Midweek, when I'm firmly rooted in reality - a reality that includes tiny kitchen and a busy schedule - all the waxing poetical about the beauty of tomatoes gets on my nerves a bit.
So I've rounded up the best cookbooks for the frazzled and cranky. They share three things. They contain explicit language, adult themes or general thuggery; the recipes are easy, don't take too long and are not overly complicated; and there are no cheesy landscape shots in sight.
1. What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner? The Answers to Life's Everyday Question (in 50 F*@#ing Recipes). Contains swearing (obviously). Side note, my darling mother gave me this for Christmas. I can vouch for the recipes!
2. Cooking (for A**holes) - A recipe book full of shitty things the author has done, and the delicious food that he cooked as an apology for each wrongdoing. Obviously, swearing.
3. Thug Kitchen: Eat like you give a f*ck - surprisingly healthy, whole food based recipes, but without the holier than thou preaching that sometimes comes along with healthy cookbooks. Again, swearing.
4.#Mealtime - by 2 Chainz - This one is actually pretty interesting. 2 Chainz, the rapper, was finding that he was becoming less healthy on tour because of all the fast food they were eating. So with his most recent album he included a 26 page tour bus cookbook. Written with flair ( with instructions like "Step 1. Put Versace Apron on" and "If wearing a four finger ring, carefully place it on a side table before starting to cook". Gold. Plus the recipes are actually pretty healthy - lots of seafood and veggies and cajun flavours. No swearing, just straight gangster.
5.Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook: As the title suggests, this is a chicken cookbook, with a cheeky sensual twist. Please read the Amazon description in the link, it's perfection. Recipes include "Mustard Spanked Chicken" and "Dripping Thighs".
Look, it's essentially just a dirty cookie book. FYI, this is what everyone is getting for Christmas.
7. The Drunken Cookbook - recipes designed to be drunk person friendly. Risky techniques like deep frying are omitted and recipes contain safety warnings and are classified by how inebriated the cook is for difficulty.